


Talk to Me

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e10 Noël, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-03
Updated: 2006-03-03
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Sequel to "A Letter to a Friend"





	Talk to Me

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

"Talk to Me"   
This is a sequel to "A Letter to a Friend" Thanks to those who wanted one. :-)  
Disclaimer: They weren't mine in "A Letter to a Friend" and nothing has changed since then. If it had, y'all would have heard my son woohooing all over the place. He's quiet. Got the point? No money available for lawsuits.  
Feedback is always appreciated.   
Summary: This is CJ and Josh's conversation which came about as a result from the note she left on his desk.   


CJ and Josh ending up walking along the Potomac. It was already dark and they knew they were probably crazy but it just seemed to be the right place for now. Their arms were entwined and any unwitting passerby might surely assume they were lovers. But they were not. They were the best of friends here to talk, without interruption, about what was going on in their lives. CJ wanted Josh to do most of the talking but knew he would eventually get her to open up as well.  
"Hey, you can start talking to me anytime you'd like." They were leaning against the railing, looking both at the water and the stars in the sky.  
"It's beautiful out here, you know that? I mean, we're absolutely freaking out of our minds for being here this late and when it's this cold, but it's beautiful." He pulled her closer to him and kissed her on the forehead. "And so are you."   
She looked at him with the usual 'You're out of your mind.' stare. "Josh, thank you." Thinking about something for a minute, she added, "And so are you."  
"Hey, I am not beautiful. I am handsome, God's gift to women, adorable, even, but I am not beautiful."  
"You are to me and right now, that's who's speaking. There's nobody around for you to impress. I'm not interested in whether you're God's gift to women or not. Right here, at this point in time, I'm interested in the fact that you are my dear friend and, I believe, inside you are beautiful." She hugged him. "Talk to me."  
"Things were going so well for us that night, you know? The President had practically everyone of those kids ready to register to vote. We were okay. Toby's brother was safe. You seemed like you were being nicer to Danny. Things were looking up. Then we go outside and all hell breaks loose. I didn't even know I was shot at first. It took a minute to realize it. I just sank down and Toby started yelling something or other. The next thing I know, I'm remembering Nashua and Leo and the campaign and my father dying. I thought he was coming to get me. I wasn't ready to go yet, you know? I wanted to live but everything hurt so much. And he seemed to be saying something to me, I just couldn't hear him. Then finally I did. He was telling me to go back because it wasn't my time. I wasn't finished yet." He had tears in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. Brushing them away, he began to walk. CJ joined him. "All that time in the hospital, the nurses fussing. Donna fussing. God, can she fuss. She's gonna be some kid's nightmare one day."   
"She's probably gonna your kid's nightmare one day. You two act like you're married already."  
"She's very protective of me. She really helped me through everything once I got home. The only thing I didn't like was her keeping all of you away. I missed you all terribly. I was going insane cooped up inside that apartment with nothing to do but read about physics, not psychics, as you said on national television, but physics."  
"Hey, I corrected that little mistake. I can't help it if you like banging your head. You didn't give me a chance before you started banging away. I fixed it."  
"How'd you know I banged my head?" He seemed surprised.  
"Because, my friend, I know you. And you banged your head the minute I said psychics on TV. Go back to talking." She was caressing his arm softly as she spoke.  
"It was nice when we were on the steps. I was outside, I was with my friends. It was nice. Going back to work was great. It really was. It really helped me, you know. It cleared the cobwebs out of my mind. People were just freaking me out, though. Some of them thought I was going to fall apart. I hated being seen like that. Some just felt if they completely ignored me, then everything would be fine. Others wondered why we weren't going after the weapons dealers and the NRA. As if that never occurred to us before. Jesus, what do they take us for? Idiots? The NRA is a powerful group, who I might add this administration has been fighting, and we were suddenly gonna win against them because I was shot. 'Whoa, one of the President's men was shot, let's change what we've believed in for decades now, 'cause Josh Lyman is THAT important.' You know what, CJ, I'm only important to my friends. Nobody else. Most people could care less what happens to me. I didn't want to become some statistic. I didn't want to be in the category 'Number of persons shot in the year 2000' but I am. I didn't want a lot of things that I now have." He put his face in his hands and leaned on the railing again. CJ put her arms around him. She asked for this. She had better be prepared for whatever he was going to give her.  


"You wanna sit down?"  
"Sure. But you're gonna freeze your ass off and I'm not coming to take care of you."  
"Yes, you are because that's the kind of guy you are. You'd feel guilty and you'd bring me soup and whatever else I wanted because you'd blame yourself and God on high could come and tell you it wasn't your fault and you'd argue with him."  
"Yes, I would. I'm pathetic, aren't I?" He looked directly at her, searching her eyes for some hint that she agreed with him.  
"NO and don't you even think that. You care. What's wrong with that? How many people can honestly say that they know, without a doubt, that their friend would walk into the storm for them? Huh? How many? I can say that you would. You know why? Because you would. Damnit, Josh, stop being so hard on yourself. It's okay that you lived." She wasn't sure how he would take that statement so she stopped to give him time to react.  
"Twice? It's okay that I lived twice?" He looked tormented. As if his whole being was about to get torn apart. His eyes were becoming empty, black holes. She could see him drowning in his own guilt.  
"It's not your fault that Joanie died. I know about survivor's guilt, Josh, I understand. But it wasn't meant for you to die that day. Nothing that you've accomplished so far would have been done. All your talent, all your potential, everything would have died with you that day. It wasn't your time."  
"But why was it Joanie's time? I don't understand, CJ, didn't she have anything to offer the world? Why'd she die? I understand why you think I lived but why did she die?" He was in her arms now. She leaned back a little to accomodate him, running her hands softly through his hair.  
"I don't know. I know that she gave everything she had till the day she died but God had a plan for her. She wasn't meant to live a very long life, Josh, I'm sorry. Maybe the plan was to make you the person you are today. She's with you, always, I can tell. She influences you. How much do you want to bet when it is your time to die, that she's there to show you the way? Because she's not mad at you. She doesn't hate you, Josh, because you lived and she didn't." He was sobbing now, so she decided to be quiet. They had plenty of time to talk tonight.   


She sat there, watching the ripples in the river, the planes flying overhead, the stars twinkling, always aware that Josh was still in her arms and hadn't stopped shaking yet. Finally, he moved back to look at her.  
"She doesn't hate me?" She wiped his tears away gently.   
"No, Josh, she loves you. She would be so proud of you." She felt herself tearing up.   
"Leo told me that he prayed that night. He told God that he was pissed at him because he kept doing stuff like this to me. He felt that God should make it right by making me okay. Putting me on the path to healing. He answered him, CJ, because I was okay."  
"No, you were physically healed, Josh, not emotionally. Therefore, you weren't okay. You're on your way there, though. You are so close to getting there." They rose. It was too cold to stay in one spot, so they began walking again. Slowly, arm in arm.   
"When I read the pilot's history, the birthday thing stuck out. I couldn't help it. We had the same birthday, CJ, and that meant something to me. It reminded me that I had cheated death twice already. My lives are running out. I'm not a freaking cat, you know. Eventually, it's gonna be my time." He stopped walking. She didn't know if she should say what she was thinking or let him work it out himself. "I'm afraid to die." He sunk down on the cold cement of the walkway. She knelt down in front of him, wrapping her arms around him. "I feel so damn guilty because I didn't die, both times, and yet I'm terrified of dying." He pulled her closer; as if she were his only lifeline. He hadn't let anyone, not even Donna, get this close. CJ was the special one. The only one who could get in like this.   


A few minutes passed before she suggested they get up. "If a cop passes, he's going to think that we're drunks or lovers too cheap to get a room or some other horrible thing that's just going to aggravate the hell out of Leo. We should get up." She stood and put her hand out for him. He took it. Not so much for her to pull him up, just to accept her support.   
"I'm doing better, CJ. That talk with Stanley really helped. I have a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder, as you know, being the Press Secretary and all. You have a cool job. You get to know everybody's secrets." He squeezed her hand affectionately.   
"Yeah, I get to hear about everybody's sex lives while knowing that I don't have one." She sighed.  
"Danny?"  
"We're not here to talk about my broken heart, yet." She was smiling at him.  
"Your broken heart? I'll break his face."  
"My hero. My heart is broken because I'm not allowed to date a reporter, and I really, really like him, Josh, and he turned down the job as Editor knowing full well that I won't take a risk with our jobs like that."  
"I'm sorry. I wish there was a way for the two of you to be together. I guess you'll have to wait till he finally takes an Editor's job or more likely till you're out of a job because Bartlet's out of office. Either way, you'll be waiting a while." He hugged her, knowing that this time she needed the comfort.  
"Thanks, Josh. Now back to you. Nice try to change the subject but let's change it back."  
"What a woman. So forceful. I really thank God for you; that he sent me such a wonderful friend. I just wanted you to know that. Okay, the diagnosis. I'm in therapy. I know my trigger is music. I just have to be careful about that. I never know what type of music or song is going to do it. Let's start walking back to the cars."  
"Yeah, we're definitely going to need a drink to warm up from this." She teased him. Putting her arms around his neck, she pulled him close to her. "Would you have changed jobs for me?"  
"Yes. I see being an Editor as a promotion. You have more control and we all know how much I love control. I would have taken it but Danny is different. All he knows is what he is; what he's done so far. He also doesn't see any problem with dating you while he's still a reporter because he's the one who gets fired. He understands that you both are taking a risk." He pulled her closer to hug her, then they continued walking. "To get back to the discussion at hand, yelling at the President was the last straw and the lowest point of my recovery. I'm moving forward. Slowly. Now that you've gotten me to realize and admit it, we're going to have to work on my fear of death in therapy. We're already dealing with the survivor's guilt. I'm planning on singing your praises to my therapist because you got to me, CJ. You're the only one. It's going to take time but I'm getting better." He was leaning on the railing again, looking at the water and wiping his eyes. She stood next to him, one arm around his waist.   
"It's okay to cry, Josh, to be sad, it's all part of the healing process. I'm here for you. Always, my friend."  
"I know and thank you so much, CJ. I am so honored."   
"As am I. Thank you." She kissed him softly on the cheek. "You wanna go for that drink or you just heading home?"  
"Drink. I think we could both use it."  


The two friends drove to their favorite bar knowing they while both still had issues to be resolved they could be content in the knowledge that they would always be there for each other, no matter what the problem was.   


The End.

  


End file.
